never let go ... [entries|friends|calendar]

preoccupied without you, i cannot live at all
my whole world surrounds you, i stumble then i crawl
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At work right now [10 Dec 2009|12:52pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]
[ music | christmas in dixie - alabama. ]

ornaments. fresh frazier fur trees. lights. the smell of cinnamon in the air. i love this time of year but it saddens me right now because i will not be going to see my father, nor will my father be coming to see me this year. we have not had such a wonderful visit the last two times and i can not contemplate as to why. i'm at work right now, so i can not dwell on it too much but it bothers me immensely to know i will not see my family this year. i have my mother whom moved over here two months ago but .. it won't be the same. i will write more when i get home. hopefully i have a good day without any problems. i am getting over time this week for my next week's paycheck.

[14 Jul 2009|09:51am]

" On the Indian summer night of Nov. 14, 1959, two criminals visited this haunting geography. With a knife and a 12-gauge shotgun, they robbed and murdered a man and his wife and their son and daughter. The deed filled the scene. It echoed through the lives of all who lived nearby, rushing toward some appalling, mysterious point of psychic infinity. It made haggard men out of the guardians of order. Eventually through a fluke almost as gratuitous as the killing itself, they captured the murderers. On an April night last year, as rain beat on the roof, the two were hanged in a chilly warehouse in the corner of the yard of the Kansas State Penitentiary at Lansing. "

[30 Jun 2009|08:58pm]
anyone know how to put brushes in corel psp? i can't get them to be usable.

working on final assignments [20 Jun 2009|11:07pm]
[ mood | worried ]
[ music | (in my head) she's country by jason aldean. ]

so, i am officially alone right now to do my two final papers in the two courses I am taking. what fun right? wrong, so totally wrong it's not funny. i didn't pay much attention to these two courses so i am at a loss as to how to do the papers, shocking huh? i told my fiance about it and he told me i am bored because i am so smart (aw moment, so nah nah). i am not into the college courses like i initially was and i do get bored. i do not read all the materials but have passed all my courses so far. my first two courses i was so extremely nervous about missing one assignment i was on there six times a day seven days a week, now i am lucky if i even get on the required amount of time each week. so bored but hell, the money is worth going to school, plus i am getting an education *smile* so i can be a grown up girl in a few years. woot. alten fell asleep watching television in our room so i gotta turn the tv off and make him pee before he pees my bed (oh god). he doesn't do it often at all, he's not a bed pisser -- not even in his bed, surprising for a 3 year old i know but he is amazing. of course he is, he's my son. anyway, peace.

new job [05 Jun 2009|02:18pm]
[ mood | energetic ]
[ music | no music, just phones. ]

So I totally have a new job in an advertising department no less. i have stepped up to the big leagues, lmao. whatever. totally just part time right now at the front desk doing spreadsheets and what not on 2008 and 09 totals. i am a copy girl too. :D. i like it. it gets me out of the house and away from the abundance of testosterone for a little while through the week. hopefully (keep your fingers crossed) i will be full time before too long. yay. oh yeah i do billing and take payments too. sweet stuff.

we finally met our neighbors two houses down and they have a sweet little girl that alten has dubbed his girlfriend and she has told me he is her boyfriend. totally cute. i gotta get a picture of them soon. i tell him we are going to see her and his eyes get so huge and he smiles. her mother and father are pretty cool and i usually don't like people. i like them, they aren't asses. i think my roommate has finally learned her boundaries though, she stays in her room when they're here. we don't mess with her friends, she doesn't mess with ours. anyway, i`m off to surf the net. peace.

[21 Apr 2009|01:00pm]
[ mood | crazy ]
[ music | black eyed peas : " boom boom pow " ]

so let's see if i can change the font on this page. i can't and haven't figured out the overrides and i do not plan to do so. ohhhh well. let's see. we went to fort pierce this past weekend and now, i am peeling on my nose and LOVE it. so much better than being pale and stuff. alten absolutely loves the boat. he falls asleep in it after a little while ( in the front no less ) and just stays right there. of course we move him. when it's just carl and i we put him under the cooler area cause there's a two foot high space on the "passenger" side of the boat for him to lay and then get back up if he wants. i had a nice little mini vacation away from work and i don't hate going to work now. i miss the 230 dollars i paid the two women for the days i was gone but oh well. on friday we docked at the ft pierce marina and went to the tiki hut to eat. they have wonderful food there, i was hoping it wasn't too expensive. heck, we stopped at the causeway and i got out of the boat and walked to chucks seafood and bar or whatever and i will not pay 42 dollars for some f'ing surf and turf. if it costs that much i`ll go catch my own shrimp and skin a cow. i was like ... " y'all don't have burgers? my husband really wants a burger " lol. so stupid.

alten loved the little fishies on the wall at the tiki hut so when i took him to wash his hands he had to look at every one of them. for a child who refuses to talk (and i do mean refuses) he was talkative all weekend. i got the see my grandparents, of course, i am not going to their house cause they have some child molesting 20 something african american whom is "helping" with groceries while nailing my younger cousin. she is so stupid. i swear to god, it's unreal. it makes me sick to my stomach knowing she's doing that in my grandmother's house. i used to live there and never disrespected my grandmother like that. i never disrespected her anyway. oh well, another story in and of itself.

i got my loan approvals for my sophomore year the other day so now all i have to do is wait for the money. lol. i have been searching for cars and don't seem to be able to find any. i want a jeep, maybe 99 to 03. it would be nice. i get tired of climbing into the truck to go down to wal*mart or walgreens. the truck has straight pipes on it and a back up beep. it's really carl's truck. recently he put 35 in tires on it so it's even harder to get into. I am like ... trying not to have to take a flying leap to get into the darn thing but other than that, how do i get into it? lmao, i almost forgot, carl went to some four wheeler park last month and got stuck in the mud .. oh a four wheeler. i have pictures and i gotta upload them to photobucket. i should do that right now. alten and i didn't go with him, he went with this guy he knows. we're supposed to go out there to go camping sometime this summer. lol. anyway. i gotta go, alten is in there using the sink for something and i gotta help. peace.

wasn't that bad [12 Apr 2009|07:21pm]
[ mood | calm ]
[ music | britney spears : if you seek amy. ]

so my mother visiting wasn't all that bad. she brought a ton of toys for alten and he just loved them and her. i was amazed at how fast he took to her. i am proud of him, he was very good as well. he did throw one major temper tantrum when i told him he couldn't have his toys anymore, that we were going night night. oh well, isn't that what three year olds do though? lol. he's out in the pool right now kicking and splashing around. we are off to ft pierce, florida in three days and i am excited. i have not had a night off in over a year. i am worn out on the routes i have to do. yes, they are only taking up 4 hours of my time a night but it's 365 days a year and i am tired of the every single fucking night thing. oh well, just posting a little. see ya.

... hell [09 Apr 2009|06:17pm]
[ mood | melancholy ]

my mother is coming ... i'm going to throw up and have a panic attack soooo very soon.

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